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FINDING
YOUR OWN TRUE MYTH: What I Learned
from Joseph Campbell: The
Myth
of the
Great Secret
III
GAY
SPIRITUALITY:
The Role of Gay Identity in the Transformation of Human Consciousness
GAY PERSPECTIVE:
Things Our Homosexuality Tells Us about the Nature of God and the
Universe
SECRET MATTER, a sci-fi novel with
wonderful "aliens" with an
Afterword by Mark Jordan
GETTING
LIFE IN PERSPECTIVE:
A
Fantastical Gay Romance set in two different time periods
THE FOURTH QUILL, a
novel about attitudinal healing and the problem of evil
TWO SPIRITS: A Story of Life with
the
Navajo, a collaboration with Walter L. Williams
CHARMED
LIVES: Spinning Straw into
Gold: GaySpirit in Storytelling, a collaboration with
Steve Berman and some 30 other writers
THE MYTH OF THE GREAT
SECRET:
An
Appreciation of Joseph Campbell
IN SEARCH OF GOD IN THE
SEXUAL UNDERWORLD: A Mystical Journey
Unpublished manuscripts
About ordering
Books on
Gay Spirituality:
White
Crane Gay Spirituality Series
Articles
and Excerpts:
Review of Samuel
Avery's The
Dimensional Structure of Consciousness
Funny
Coincidence: "Aliens Settle in San Francisco"
About Liberty Books, the
Lesbian/Gay Bookstore for Austin, 1986-1996
The Simple Answer to the Gay Marriage Debate
A
Bifurcation of Gay Spirituality
Why gay people should NOT Marry
The Scriptural Basis for
Same Sex Marriage
Toby and Kip Get Married
Wedding Cake Liberation
Gay Marriage in Texas
What's ironic
Shame on the American People
The "highest form of love"
Gay Consciousness
Why homosexuality is a sin
The cause of homosexuality
The
origins of homophobia
Q&A
about Jungian ideas in gay consciousness
What
is homosexuality?
What
is Gay Spirituality?
My three
messages
What
Jesus said about Gay
Rights
Queering
religion
Common
Experiences Unique to Gay
Men
Is there a "uniquely gay
perspective"?
The
purpose of homosexuality
Interview on the Nature of
Homosexuality
What the Bible Says about
Homosexuality
Mesosexual
Ideal for Straight Men
Varieties
of Gay Spirituality
Waves
of Gay Liberation Activity
The Gay Succession
Wouldn’t You Like to Be Uranian?
The Reincarnation of
Edward Carpenter
Why Gay Spirituality: Spirituality
as Artistic Medium
Easton Mountain Retreat Center
Andrew Harvey &
Spiritual Activism
The Mysticism of
Andrew Harvey
The
upsidedown book on MSNBC
Enlightenment
"It's
Always About You"
The myth of the Bodhisattva
Avalokitesvara
Joseph
Campbell's description of
Avalokiteshvara
You're
Not A Wave
Joseph Campbell Talks
about Aging
What is Enlightenment?
What is reincarnation?
How many lifetimes in an
ego?
Emptiness & Religious Ideas
Experiencing experiencing experiencing
Going into the Light
Meditations for a Funeral
Meditation Practice
The way to get to heaven
Buddha's father was right
What Anatman means
Advice to Travelers to India
& Nepal
The Danda Nata
& goddess Kalika
Nate Berkus is a bodhisattva
John Boswell was Immanuel Kant
Cutting
edge realization
The Myth of the
Wanderer
Change: Source of
Suffering & of Bliss
World Navel
What the Vows Really
Mean
Manifesting
from the Subtle Realms
The Three-layer
Cake
& the Multiverse
The
est Training and Personal Intention
Effective
Dreaming in Ursula LeGuin's The Lathe of Heaven
Gay
Spirituality
Curious
Bodies
What
Toby Johnson Believes
The
Joseph Campbell Connection
The
Mann Ranch (& Rich Gabrielson)
Campbell
& The Pre/Trans Fallacy
The
Two Loves
The
Nature of Religion
What's true about
Religion
Being
Gay is a Blessing
Drawing Long Straws
Freedom
of Religion
The
Gay Agenda
Gay
Saintliness
Gay
Spiritual Functions
The subtle workings of the spirit
in gay men's lives.
The Sinfulness of
Homosexuality
Proposal
for a study of gay nondualism
Priestly Sexuality
Having a Church to
Leave
Harold Cole on Beauty
Marian Doctrines:
Immaculate Conception & Assumption
Not lashed to the
prayer-post
Monastic or Chaste
Homosexuality
Is It Time to Grow
Up? Confronting
the Aging Process
Notes on Licking
(July, 1984)
Redeem Orlando
Gay Consciousness changing
the
world by Shokti LoveStar
Alexander Renault
interviews Toby
Johnson
Mystical Vision
"The
Evolution of Gay Identity"
"St. John of the
Cross & the Dark Night of
the Soul."
Avalokiteshvara
at the Baths
Eckhart's Eye
Let Me
Tell You a Secret
Religious
Articulations of the
Secret
The
Collective Unconscious
Driving as
Spiritual Practice
Meditation
Historicity
as Myth
Pilgrimage
No
Stealing
Next
Step in Evolution
The
New Myth
The Moulting of the Holy Ghost
Gaia
is a Bodhisattva
The Hero's
Journey
The
Hero's Journey as archetype -- GSV 2016
The Gay Hero Journey
(shortened)
You're
On Your Own
Superheroes
Seeing
Differently
Teenage
Prostitution and the Nature of Evil
Allah
Hu: "God is present here"
Adam
and Steve
The Life is
in the Blood
Gay retirement and the "freelance
monastery"
Seeing with
Different Eyes
Facing
the Edge: AIDS as an occasion for spiritual wisdom
What
are you looking for in a gay science fiction novel?
The Vision
The
mystical experience at the Servites' Castle in Riverside
A Most Remarkable
Synchronicity in
Riverside
The
Great Dance according to C.S.Lewis
The Techniques Of The
World Saviors
Part 1: Brer Rabbit and the
Tar-Baby
Part 2: The
Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara
Part 3: Jesus
and the Resurrection
Part 4: A
Course in Miracles
The
Secret of the Clear Light
Understanding
the Clear Light
Mobius
Strip
Finding
Your
Tiger Face
How Gay Souls Get Reincarnated
Joseph
Campbell, the Hero's Journey, and the modern Gay Hero-- a five part
presentation on YouTube
About Alien Abduction
In
honor of Sir Arthur C Clarke
Karellen was a homosexual
The
D.A.F.O.D.I.L. Alliance
Intersections
with the movie When We Rise
More
about Gay Mental Health
Psych
Tech Training
Toby
at the California Institute
The
Rainbow Flag
Ideas for gay
mythic stories
People
Kip and Toby,
Activists
Toby's
friend and nicknamesake Toby Marotta.
Harry
Hay, Founder of the gay movement
About Hay and The New Myth
About
Karl
Heinrich Ulrichs, the first
man to really "come out"
About Michael Talbot, gay mystic
About Fr. Bernard Lynch
About Richard Baltzell
About Guy Mannheimer
About David Weyrauch
About
Dennis Paddie
About Ask the Fire
About
Arthur Evans
About
Christopher Larkin
About Mark Thompson
About Sterling Houston
About Michael Stevens
The Alamo Business
Council
Our friend Tom Nash
Second March on
Washington
The
Gay
Spirituality Summit in May 2004 and the "Statement
of Spirituality"
Book
Reviews
Be Done on Earth by Howard
E. Cook
Pay Me What I'm Worth by
Souldancer
The Way Out by Christopher
L Nutter
The Gay Disciple by John Henson
Art That Dares by Kittredge Cherry
Coming Out, Coming Home by Kennth
A. Burr
Extinguishing
the Light by B. Alan Bourgeois
Over Coffee: A conversation
For Gay
Partnership & Conservative Faith by D.a. Thompson
Dark Knowledge
by
Kenneth Low
Janet Planet by
Eleanor
Lerman
The
Kairos by Paul E. Hartman
Wrestling
with Jesus by D.K.Maylor
Kali Rising by Rudolph
Ballentine
The
Missing Myth by Gilles Herrada
The
Secret of the Second Coming by Howard E. Cook
The Scar Letters: A
Novel
by Richard Alther
The
Future is Queer by Labonte & Schimel
Missing Mary
by Charlene Spretnak
Gay
Spirituality 101 by Joe Perez
Cut Hand: A
Nineteeth Century Love Story on the American Frontier by Mark Wildyr
Radiomen
by Eleanor Lerman
Nights
at
Rizzoli by Felice Picano
The Key
to Unlocking the Closet Door by Chelsea Griffo
The Door
of the Heart by Diana Finfrock Farrar
Occam’s
Razor by David Duncan
Grace
and
Demion by Mel White
Gay Men and The New Way Forward by Raymond L.
Rigoglioso
The
Dimensional Stucture of Consciousness by Samuel Avery
The
Manly Pursuit of Desire and Love by Perry Brass
Love
Together: Longtime Male Couples on Healthy Intimacy and Communication
by Tim Clausen
War
Between Materialism and Spiritual by Jean-Michel Bitar
The
Serpent's Gift: Gnostic Reflections on the Study of Religion by
Jeffrey J. Kripal
Esalen:
America and the Religion of No Religion by Jeffrey J. Kripal
The
Invitation to Love by
Darren Pierre
Brain,
Consciousness, and God: A Lonerganian Integration by Daniel A
Helminiak
A
Walk with Four Spiritual Guides by Andrew Harvey
Can Christians Be Saved? by Stephenson & Rhodes
The
Lost Secrets of the Ancient Mystery Schools by Stephenson &
Rhodes
Keys to
Spiritual
Being: Energy Meditation and Synchronization Exercises by Adrian
Ravarour
In
Walt We
Trust by John Marsh
Solomon's
Tantric Song by Rollan McCleary
A Special Illumination by Rollan McCleary
Aelred's
Sin
by Lawrence Scott
Fruit
Basket
by Payam Ghassemlou
Internal
Landscapes by John Ollom
Princes
& Pumpkins by David Hatfield Sparks
Yes by Brad
Boney
Blood of the Goddess by William Schindler
Roads of Excess,
Palaces of
Wisdom by Jeffrey Kripal
Evolving
Dharma by Jay Michaelson
Jesus
in Salome's Lot by Brett W. Gillette
The Man Who Loved Birds by Fenton Johnson
The
Vatican Murders by Lucien Gregoire
"Sex Camp"
by
Brian McNaught
Out
& About with Brewer & Berg
Episode One: Searching for a New Mythology
The
Soul Beneath the Skin by David Nimmons
Out
on
Holy Ground by Donald Boisvert
The
Revotutionary Psychology of Gay-Centeredness by Mitch Walker
Out There
by Perry Brass
The Crucifixion of Hyacinth by Geoff Puterbaugh
The
Silence of Sodom by Mark D Jordan
It's
Never About What It's About by Krandall Kraus and Paul Borja
ReCreations,
edited by Catherine Lake
Gospel: A
Novel
by WIlton Barnhard
Keeping
Faith: A Skeptic’s Journey by Fenton Johnson
Dating the Greek Gods by Brad Gooch
Telling
Truths in Church by Mark D. Jordan
The
Substance of God by Perry Brass
The
Tomcat Chronicles by Jack Nichols
10
Smart
Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives by Joe Kort
Jesus and the Shamanic Tradition of Same Sex Love
by Will Roscoe
The
Third Appearance by Walter Starcke
The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight by Thom Hartmann
Surviving
and Thriving After a Life-Threatening Diagnosis by Bev Hall
Men,
Homosexuality, and the Gods by Ronald Long
An Interview
with Ron Long
Queering Creole Spiritual Traditons by Randy
Conner & David Sparks
An Interview with
Randy Conner
Pain,
Sex
and Time by Gerald Heard
Sex
and the Sacred by Daniel Helminiak
Blessing Same-Sex Unions by Mark Jordan
Rising Up
by
Joe Perez
Soulfully
Gay
by Joe Perez
That
Undeniable Longing by Mark Tedesco
Vintage: A
Ghost
Story by
Steve Berman
Wisdom
for the Soul by Larry Chang
MM4M a DVD
by Bruce Grether
Double
Cross
by David Ranan
The
Transcended Christian by Daniel Helminiak
Jesus
in Love by Kittredge Cherry
In
the Eye of the Storm by Gene Robinson
The
Starry Dynamo by Sven Davisson
Life
in
Paradox by Fr Paul Murray
Spirituality for Our Global Community by Daniel
Helminiak
Gay & Healthy in a Sick Society by Robert A.
Minor
Coming Out: Irish Gay Experiences by Glen O'Brien
Queering
Christ
by Robert Goss
Skipping
Towards Gomorrah by Dan Savage
The
Flesh of the Word by Richard A Rosato
Catland by
David Garrett Izzo
Tantra
for Gay Men by Bruce Anderson
Yoga
&
the Path of the Urban Mystic by Darren Main
Simple
Grace
by Malcolm Boyd
Seventy
Times Seven by Salvatore Sapienza
What
Does "Queer" Mean Anyway? by Chris Bartlett
Critique of Patriarchal Reasoning by Arthur Evans
Gift
of
the Soul by Dale Colclasure & David Jensen
Legend of the Raibow Warriors by Steven McFadden
The
Liar's
Prayer by Gregory Flood
Lovely
are the Messengers by Daniel Plasman
The Human Core of Spirituality by Daniel Helminiak
3001:
The Final Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke
Religion and the Human Sciences by Daniel Helminiak
Only
the
Good Parts by Daniel Curzon
Four
Short
Reviews of Books with a Message
Life
Interrupted by Michael Parise
Confessions of a Murdered Pope by Lucien Gregoire
The
Stargazer's Embassy by Eleanor Lerman
Conscious
Living, Conscious Aging by Ron Pevny
Footprints Through the Desert by Joshua Kauffman
True
Religion by J.L. Weinberg
The Mediterranean Universe by John Newmeyer
Everything
is God by Jay Michaelson
Reflection
by Dennis Merritt
Everywhere
Home by Fenton Johnson
Hard Lesson by James
Gaston
God
vs Gay?
by Jay Michaelson
The
Gate
of Tears: Sadness and the Spiritual Path by Jay Michaelson
Roxie
&
Fred by Richard Alther
Not
the Son He Expected by Tim Clausen
The
9 Realities of Stardust by Bruce P. Grether
The
Afterlife Revolution by Anne & Whitley Strieber
AIDS
Shaman:
Queer Spirit Awakening by Shokti Lovestar
Facing the Truth of Your Life by Merle Yost
The
Super Natural by Whitley Strieber & Jeffrey J Kripal
Secret
Body by
Jeffrey J Kripal
In
Hitler's
House by Jonathan Lane
Walking on Glory by Edward Swift
The
Paradox
of Porn by Don Shewey
Is Heaven for Real? by Lucien Gregoire
Enigma by Lloyd Meeker
Scissors,
Paper, Rock by Fenton Johnson
Toby
Johnson's
Books on Gay Men's Spiritualities:
Gay Perspective
Things Our [Homo]sexuality
Tells Us
about the
Nature of God and
the Universe
Gay
Perspective is available as an audiobook narrated
by Matthew Whitfield. Click
here
Gay Spirituality
Gay Identity and
the Transformation of
Human Consciousness
Gay
Spirituality is now
available as an audiobook, beautifully narrated by John Sipple. Click here
Charmed
Lives: Gay Spirit in Storytelling
edited by
Toby Johnson
& Steve Berman
Secret
Matter
Lammy Award Winner for Gay
Science Fiction
updated
Getting Life in
Perspective
A Fantastical Romance
Getting
Life in Perspective is available as an
audiobook narrated by Alex Beckham. Click
here
The Fourth Quill
originally published
as
PLAGUE
The Fourth Quill is
available
as an audiobook, narrated by Jimmie
Moreland. Click here
Two Spirits: A Story of
Life
with the Navajo
with Walter L. Williams
 Two
Spirits is available as an
audiobook narrated by Arthur Raymond. Click
here
Finding
Your Own True Myth: What I Learned from Joseph
Campbell
The
Myth
of the
Great Secret III
In Search of God in the Sexual Underworld
The Myth of the Great
Secret: An Appreciation of Joseph Campbell.
This
was the second edition of this book.
Toby Johnson's
titles are
available in other ebook formats from Smashwords.
|
A Wonderful Demonstration of Gay Men's
Willingness
to Speak the Truth
The Paradox of Porn:
Notes on Gay Male Sexual Culture
by Don Shewey
Joybody Books
262 pages, $19.99
July 2018
978-1732134409
Available from amazon.com
The
Paradox of Porn: Notes on Gay Male Sexual Culture
Book Description:
Pornography has played a
special role in the sex lives of gay men. It has taught us what desire
between two men looks like, it has helped us figure out what turns us
on, it has supported us in not feeling so alone, it has gotten us
through times of loneliness and isolation, disease and disconnection,
and it has contributed to many pleasurable orgasms. At the same time,
the images from porn that are now ubiquitous in our lives have shaped
and often distorted our ideas about what sex is, what normal bodies
look like, how people make connections, and how we feel about
ourselves. It's been hugely liberating and hugely oppressive. And
that's the paradox of porn.
“The Paradox of Porn is a smart,
acutely observed, and beautifully
argued analysis of what gay porn means to gay men, and, by extension,
the state of sexual culture in America today.”
--Michael Bronski, author of A Queer
History of the United States
 Don Shewey is a writer, therapist, and pleasure
activist in New York City. He has published three books about theater
and written hundreds of articles for the New York Times, the
Village
Voice, Esquire, Rolling Stone, and other publications. He is a
California state-certified masseur as well as a New York state-licensed
psychotherapist whose private practice specializes in sex and intimacy
coaching. His work as a teacher and community health activist revolves
around healing through pleasure, adult sex education, and grounded
daily spiritual practice. See www.bodyandsoulwork.com. An archive of
his writings is available online at www.donshewey.com. He is the center figure in the photo above at an ACT-UP event in 1990.
Review by Toby Johnson:
This is a wonderful book.
It tells the truth about a subject that is so often obscured and
mystified by righteous judgment and disapproval.
Religious—“spiritual”—people, especially, are expected to condemn
erotica in general and modern-day, high tech porn specifically. They're
expected to not only eschew it for themselves, but to try to prevent
other people from experiencing it. The news occasionally tells of
accused criminals having porn on their computers as though that were
evidence of their moral depravity. Old-time Catholicism
taught that even thinking about sex was
sinful, and you were supposed to confess impure thoughts to your
priest. Viewing human sexual behavior is thought of as
evil. Certainly there are some people who are emotionally,
psychologically, spiritually hurt by the pornography industry and/or by
their obsession with it. But that judgmental anti-sex thinking is less
the solution to those problems than the cause of them. A “spiritual”
attitude, I would think, would be to find the good and beautiful
aspects and the emotional, psychological, spiritual benefits of
experiencing other people's sexuality. That's how we would transform
our own and our culture's experience of pornography.
Don Shewey's forthright presentation of the “paradox”—i.e, that there
are both good and bad sides of pornography—goes a long way towards that
transformation.
As you'd expect in a book by a therapist, there are case studies and
anecdotal reports, mostly about problems his clients have had—people
only go to therapists when they have “problems.” But Don Shewey is very
good about not letting the problems of the clients skew the reality.
Their “problems” act as good warnings about what to avoid. As the
B&W cover hints, The Paradox of Porn nicely balances the
problems with the benefits. It's very helpful to learn about the
benefits.
I was especially happy to find Shewey offering reports of spiritual and
mystical perceptions of sexual arousal and pornography. This is one of
the great contributions of gay men's consciousness (with great credit
to Joseph Kramer, who is mentioned in this book throughout). We tell
the truth. To use a trite phrase of the 70s, when this culture was
evolving, we “tell it like it is.”
If anything, the book is a little too balanced toward warning about the
problems. What’s really interesting is the advice about how to
experience sexual arousal and visual arousal in positive,
life-affirming ways.
Shewey almost exclusively
focuses on porn as a solitary experience. There's only one sentence in
the book about couples. I think watching porn together is especially
useful for long-term couples to view together, limbs intertwined, hands
playful, sharing arousal and orgasm in a way that is
non-threatening to the relationship, and that adds novelty and a little
spice to
what over many years necessarily becomes routine. As Marshall McLuhan
told us TV is a communal experience.
We can bring religiousness to sex—or better, spirituality to sexual
pleasure. We can understand that sexual pleasure is bestowal of grace,
immediately experienced. Let’s call it “somatic grace.” We can
understand that “God” is watching and getting as much satisfaction and
pleasure as we are in these arousing thoughts and feelings. All sex is
sex with God, if you want it to be so.
As you reach what in the male is called “ejaculatory inevitability,”
think “Here comes God,” and, as you are coming, picture all this
pleasure and love you’re experiencing pouring out from you into the
world like brilliant light and think “May all beings be happy. May all
beings be free.”
If you are making love with another person, you can experience your
love for them as God’s love for them and of their love for you as God’s
love for you manifesting in the flesh. If you are making love with
yourself, you can experience the pleasure in your body as God’s gift in
immediate response to your worshiping God’s creation of flesh as a way
of being in the world.
This God IS the pleasure itself, because pleasure is pleasurable
because it is participation in God’s on-going creation and evolution of
the universe.
If sexual consciousness is “God’s”/“the Universe’s” experience of
evolution and joy in physical, fleshy incarnation—and that's the
modern, psychologically healthy, and “enlightened” way to see it—then
pornographic images are holy cards, icons, and meditation aids. And gay
men, like Don Shewey, are able to say that. This book is both a helpful
instruction in experiencing modern reality and a demonstration of the
truth-speaking role of gay men's culture. And that truth speaking is as
much a contribution to humanity's future as having offspring. It’s a
natural fulfillment of sexual consciousness beyond the merely
biological.
Reviewed by Toby Johnson, author of Gay
Spirituality: Gay Identity and the Transformation of Human Consciousness
Other reviews posted at amazon.com
Review by Gee
Considering that sexual desire and sexual images occupy so much of our
headspace, it is amazing that so little is written about it. Shewey
aims to rectify that. I loved the book and read it within one day of
getting it. What is most memorable about this book is his stance:
unlike a journalist or an academic, he is one of us, so we don’t have
to deal with a sort of detached and arrogant “objective” tone. So the
book is highly idiosyncratic and opinionated. As a sex therapist,
writer and self professed “slut” his opinions are unique and worth
reading. The book is strongest and amusing when it is most opinionated.
As a book of the most current research, it’s not the best. Example:
Shewey says that movies like Deep Throat made a “lot of money”.
How much money is “a lot”? As another reviewer noted, Shewey sometimes
does not discuss the issues he raises deeply enough. Example: What does
it mean to be addicted to porn? That’s brought up briefly, but I think
that is worth an entire chapter. It’s not the same as substance
addictions, like crystal meth or heroin. I think a resourceful editor
could have made this book stronger and more focused, and also made some
of the clients mentioned become more three dimensional.
That said, I loved the book and will reread it. I have already put many
of his suggestions into place. They work! It is so refreshing that
Shewey is bringing these important issues to the forefront. As gay men
and human beings, we need to have a much more open discussion about
pornography and sexual desire so that we can lead full lives. I would
recommend this book to anyone who wants to join the discussion of how
to live a satisfying life that includes sex as one of its components.
Who doesn’t?
———
Review by Joseph Kramer (creator of The Body Electric)
What is the paradox of porn according to Don Shewey? Porn fosters
erotic embodiment and sexual well-being in many, especially gay men.
Porn is also a troublesome and even harmful medium for others,
including some gay men. His book is full of wisdom for porn lovers on
how to enhance sexual health and avoid harm while masturbating to porn.
As a somatic sex therapist and sex educator, Shewey offers us case
studies from his thirty years of working with gay men. The book ends
with his own research on the negative and positive impacts of porn
watching. He introduces his research by saying, “Probably the most
significant finding from this study was that the different positive
effects outnumbered the negative effects about 2 to 1.”
I have a Ph.D. in human sexuality. One of my joys in life is teaching
men and women healthy ways to enjoy porn. I have been waiting to read
an insightful text like this for many years. Thank you, Don.
I was deeply moved by Shewey’s motivation for writing The Paradox
of Porn: “I want you to do whatever it takes to wake up to the joy
of life in a body.”
———
Review by Jeff Ricks
These days, the things that laden most books about porn are often
hyper-judgements, questionable research, and mostly preachy
moralization. Dr. Shewey’s book has none of these. He explores and
celebrates gay sexuality along with the amazing and challenging ways
(mostly) internet pornography has added and detracted to a modern,
robust and unashamed gay sex life. If you’re wanting to add to your
sexual shame, you won’t find it in this book.
Dr. Shewey explains the many different sides of explicit erotics and
how they can be seemingly juxtaposed, therefore letting you decide what
works best for you. An interesting, fun, sexy and worthwhile read for
any gay person!
———
An excerpt from Gay Perspective: Things
our [homo]sexuality tells us about the nature of God and the Universe.
Pornography As Good
Pornography is good. Well, maybe not all examples of pornography are
good. Some porn flicks have terrible production values. Some depict
bad attitudes and depersonalize people by showing them as victims or
unwilling participants. Some porn, especially straight porn, champions
polarization and male dominance. Some gay porn eroticizes negative
behavior—a result of the unfortunate notion that since we’re considered
“sinners,” we might as well demonstrate how sinful we can be, just to
spite the righteous.
But, in general, the mainstream of gay porn depicts willing,
enthusiastic partners enjoying themselves and giving joy to others. In
a sex-positive context, it’s a generous thing for attractive men to
share their zest for sexuality with others by allowing their sexual
adventures to be photographed.
There are downsides, of course. Some consumers become obsessed and
“addicted” to porn. Some lose their ability to stir internal arousal
because they have become dependent on the external presentation.
Sometimes porn causes problems between partners who have different
degrees of interest: One partner may feel left out of the other’s
arousal because it’s focused on the fantasy instead of the reality of
the two individuals together in love. Such problems are more likely to
appear in straight relationships, where men and women have different
responses to visual sexual stimuli. Homosexuals are more likely to be
on the same wavelength and to share cognate fascination with other
men’s bodies. Cuddling and masturbating together with porn can be a
wonderful way for long term couples to keep their sexual interests
alive and interinvolved with each other’s. It’s clearly the
“safest-sex.”
In a way, porn is always inadequate. Mere images of a man’s body can
never show the drama of emotion and pleasure going on inside him. Even
the most uninhibited and enthusiastic porn star can only faintly
suggest what his sexual arousal feels like. That’s because sexual
arousal and pleasure have no content. They are dynamics of
consciousness and can only be experienced, not conceptualized. The
wild rush of sensation and excitement that comes from having sex just
can’t be captured on film. To get it, you must participate.
This is true of all experience. It’s one of the secrets of life:
Thinking about experience is not having the experience. They only way
to live is to live (remember Agnes Gooch in Auntie Mame!).
Perhaps the biggest downside to porn is that it artificially and
unrealistically raises the bar of attractiveness. Too many of us feel
inadequate because we can never measure up to the hot men on the small
screen. But the problem isn’t that too many men are attractive, but
that some of our egos are so damaged we can’t take joy in other
people’s lives without turning their good fortune around and making it
an indictment of ourselves.
Whatever one thinks about pornography and erotica, there’s clearly a
difference between gay and straight examples of the genre. Gay porn
tends to emphasize equality, spontaneity, and naturalness. (Part of
the gay psychological struggle is to feel that gayness is natural.)
Straight porn emphasizes the extremes: women are heavily made up and
display themselves to look sexually available; men have to be dominant
and victorious. For straights, the polarity of male and female is
what’s most sexually exciting.
Straight society and mainstream religion have terribly jaundiced
opinions of pornography. It’s a shame they can’t appreciate porn
through the eyes of gay men. And it’s a shame religion teaches
straight people to resent other people’s sexual joys. Porn provides a
chance to live other people’s life experiences. It allows you to
imagine being in other bodies—a reminder of the mystical truth that
the Being, the consciousness, that is in you is also the Being, the
consciousness, in others. While aroused in the present moment of
pleasure, you feel your connection with other men. You enjoy their
sexiness. You resonate with the “mystical body” of all gay men.
With porn you get to be the invisible watcher; you share in others’
sexual joys without your own ego getting in the way. You’re in God’s
position, seeing with God’s eyes—totally uninvolved—just observing and
experiencing joy in the watching, not the doing. Remember that myth
about homosexual souls in the bardo from the Preface. (Here's a link to
that story: How
Gay Men Get Reincarnated)
Porn can be a wonderful opportunity to practice the virtuous
attitude Buddhism calls “joy in the joy of others.” Our joy comes from
being pleased that the models had a great experience—an experience we’d
have enjoyed having ourselves—and being pleased that they were
generous and daring enough to allow us to share the experience with
them through the technologies of photography and video.
Here's a short article on Leathersex and BDSM with a curious suggestion
for where these originate from in consciousness. Leathersex
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